How to Kick Your Own Ass

Over the past few years, I’ve had quite a few people ask me how I do what I do. How do I consistently evolve my body and mind even as I get older. They want to know how to always stay on top and continue to be a bad ass. I’m not perfect, but I am willing and able to change. To continue to getter better, you must be willing to change. Learning how to kick your own ass is awakening and tough. It’s not for the faint hearted. It’s not for the chicken shits and down doggers. If you’re new to this, there are usually some big changes to make immediately and then it’s all about fine-tuning yourself as you see fit. There is always room for change. I see that and I live by it. With people asking me how I do this or how I became the man than I am, I decided to write about it. If it’s important enough for people to see it from me, it’s important enough to write about and tell others. Perhaps in the process I can help myself be a better myself while helping others help themselves.

 

As you read my various blog posts and tips on How to Kick Your Own Ass, understand that there is not a fix all. This is not something that you will be able to change one thing and be bad ass. We are all a work in progress. You’ve got to understand and accept that before you can even change. No one is perfect. We’re all capable of change and we all depend on change. Without change, you will not evolve. If you do not evolve, you will stay in the same place and will limit yourself. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. If you’re wanting to be insane, there are other places you can go to do so. If that is your quest, this blog is a waste of your time. Feel free to move along now. There is nothing for you to see here.

 

If you’re interested in change and becoming a better you, well you’re in the right spot. I, Phillip L. Vanarsdel am on a constant quest to be a better man. I constantly question my own motives and actions. I ask myself why I do what I do. I fine tune myself on a daily basis to help myself be better. I want to be a better person. I hope in me writing about How to Kick Your Own Ass: A Guide to Being a Better You, I can uncover more ways to be a better person. I have many goals that I put off because of my procrastination. This blog is one of those goals.

 

Do you realize that if I would have started this blog a couple of years ago when I first thought of and procrastinated the idea, I could have been creating income with this blog large enough to pay my mortgage payment? My procrastination pisses me off when I think of instances such as these where I could have put my family in a better financial situation if I would have just got started right when I thought of getting started. Understand though, I have so many ideas daily that I would not be able to get anything done if I acted on every one of my new ideas. It’s tough to figure out where you should put your time and I hope to learn more about that during this self-building process that I will continue to blog about. Perhaps in 2 years from today, I will be able to write and speak a hell of a lot better while my mortgage is being paid because of it.

 

My goal for this blog is first and foremost, to become a better person overall. In turn, I hope to become a better writer and speaker because of this blog. As I become a better man, I hope for my readers to do so too as I write and provide the tools of knowledge to help you open your mind to change. I hope to meet more people in my quest to streamline the inside of Phillip L. Vanarsdel. I hope to hear people living a happier life because they were able to accomplish something new or get rid of some heavy baggage they’ve been carrying around for too long because you didn’t know how to let it go. You will learn things from letting go of things that do nothing for your mind to learning how to stop procrastinating. I will also let you know how to get into a routine of taking care of yourself physically with how to workout and how to eat. These things I want to know more about too, so you get to learn with me. I’ve got so much to say and I hope that you all will help me as well. I would love to hear what makes you tick. What gets you up in the morning? What keeps you motivated? I want to stay motivated throughout the entire day and not just right after my morning run. Perhaps I need an afternoon run as well to kick that afternoon motivation into high gear.

 

Those are just a couple of quick thoughts that I have about becoming a better me. Together we will explore these questions and more. I hope to see you on this journey to become a better you and I hope to lead by example as I become a better me. Stick around and you will learn How to Kick Your Own Ass and become a better you.

How to Kick Your Own Ass

Next Up in Learning How to Kick Your Own Ass:

Stop Procrastinating

 

Featured image from this How to Kick Your Own Ass brought to you from Soda Head.

Need – A Night of Desires

Here is what I am in dire need of folks:

Need – A night of desiresI need someone to read bedtime stories to me. I mean, this job sounds easy, but I have a lot of demands that go along with it. Has anyone in their thirties ever wanted or considered something of this nature? It sounds so sweet, innocent, & relaxing. I could drift off just typing this post. I imagine it to be like this….

You: a smooth skinned, in shape, nasally pleasing woman. When you talk, it’s not annoying, though your tonal range can do just that, range. During story time, your tones remind me of Thom Yorke with rainbows in your speech. You shall read me something simple. It shall be a child’s book. Why, you ask? Well, my brain is so full of technology and more intense items than this. By the end of my day, I’m spent. By the time that everyone has asked me what will fix their device before pulling a simple reboot, it’s time to go, and my brain has melted.

When I arrive to my dwelling, I cannot think. This is where you and the adolescent tale comes in.

I need you to do the following:
(not in any particular order)

• Remove my boots
• Unlatch my shirt and take it down
• Make a comment about how my deodorant has stayed with me for the duration of my day
• Peel my socks off
• Unbutton my pants
• Push me onto the bed, so I can take a load off, pulling them off
• Have some boxer briefs ready for me to slide into unless, of course, you’re okay with me sliding under my uber soft sheets in the buff
• Have a toothbrush buttered up and ready with CloseUp®
• Hand me a oil free face wipe
• Pull up a chair, next to my head, and gently run your fingers through my hair not saying a word
• Begin the story
• Kiss my forehead and after you have fallen in love with me, tell me it will be okay and that you will be here for my charades every night.

I realize that the last one on the list may take a few days to realize, but it’ll come.

Now, if you are up for this gig. If you are some kind of patient person that finds pleasure in this sort of thing…

Please let me know.

It’s sight unseen on your end though I will be putting you through a screening process on my end. Oh, that’s not fair? I’ve finally realized what I need so who are you to tell me what the hell is fair.

Let me tell you this. I’m not some fatty fatty too too nasty man, but I know, you’ll have to take your chances here.

Please also provide a list of childrens books that you are good at reading and maybe even a few that excite you and bring hope to your life.

Goodnight,
Moon


obanion-paddle

Paddle

That’s right, a paddle. Lightly used. OK, not that lightly used. Not used on that many people, OK? Mostly just my ex’s bottom. And a bit on mine. I tried using it on a really freaky girl a few weeks ago, and that was it – the magic was gone. There was nothing there. I thought paddles were exempt from the typical breakup toy uselessness, but I was terribly mistaken. This thing is dead to me.

However, you can make my loss your gain! Seriously, despite my crippling emotional detachment from this paddle and my tendency to replace intimacy with alcohol, I can tell you this is one heck of a paddle.

It is made out of genuine 100% leather, and features beginner (smooth) and intermediate (studded) sides. It fits nicely in your hand, has a nice swing to it, and makes a wonderful sound in either beginner or intermediate modes.

Looking for anything fun, funny, or random. I’m thinking I’ll drop this thing off somewhere pre-determined, you can pick it up, and leave whatever we decide to barter for. Quite frankly this whole thing is a little creepy and weird. And awesome.


Sugary-O-Face

Sugary O

Currently, I’ve decided to state that I want to slightly lick the olive of your sugary face. I like to use the term “fat face,” but I will not here. If you ever deemed it possible to touch that precious face of yours, please bring an olive branch. Pardon me, I misspoke. Why didn’t I delete it then? Well, I didn’t want to. What I meant to ask you to bring was a palm branch. I believe that this would put off a better breeze while one may waft it my way. Waft? Indeed, I mentioned it.

So while I waft, pardon me, as I’m wafted….

I dream, but is it really a dream if it soon shall become free? Reality I say, is it a dream if I know that it will become reality? Well, are you gonna answer me?

I think that we all dream, in fact, I know that we do. Mine, however, shall morph into reality as soon specific time, unbeknown to me. I just said that, to use that. I know that it will be achieved very soon.

What are some of your dreams?

I’m not one that you could call a “believer” in modern day religious terms. I am a believer in plenty of other things. One that specifically drives would be that of fate.

Firm believer = yes, that’s me.

My day shall come and you can bet your sweet lily ass that I’m going to push harder for it to be sooner rather than the late. I shall overcome and abide by my morals by changing them every chance that I get. Every thought that enters my head is of the random variety. You should know that without even having met me, just yet.

My train is set to “all aboard” soon and I would like to meet some of the fortunate humans that I will be traveling with. Fortunate for me? Fortunate for you? I’m not a gambler, if I was, I’d say for us both…

I bring a lot to the table. On this particular trip, I shall bring no baggage. You, on the other hand, are free to to bring all of the luggage you deem appropriate so long as you have the clear understanding that I will be chunkin’ your shit out of the port hole.

Rude? Some may say so, but this is my fucking trip and I call “no baggage!”

Deuce.
E


Boxes in the Ground

Boxes in the Ground

Upon sitting at a funeral of an old friend today, I began to drift…..

The more I seem to age, the more family, friends, aquaints seem to drop. Is this part of the aging process? Will the new goal in life eventually become to make time to visit boxes in the ground across the nation of all the people that you once knew? Why must people pass on?
This specific time lost was due to lung cancer. Surely they’ve come up with a cure all for this, right? As many intellectual people there are in the world, surely someone have come up with something by now. They have, but…
The money is not in the cure. The money is in the medicine that you have to repeat everyday.
Me, myself, PV, if you will, plans on living forever. I do. I realize that as a child, I began to realize that I am some sort of superhero. I look normal on the outside, yes. That remains true. The inside, well this is where it all happens. This is what allows me to perform anything I could ever possibly put my mind to. I know this to be a true assessment simply because my mother told me so, years & years ago.
Why must people go and why must others have to mourn? This shouldn’t have to be any part of life. Why does life have to be such a fucking bitch in this manner?
I realize that if we all lived forever, this massive rock would become pretty fucking crowded, but…
as a side note, I may mention that it may boost the economy a bit with all of those extra workers all over the world. I’m betting that since everyone would be so giddy that the grieving process had dissipated in their lives, greed would somewhat vanish as well.
I mean people. Can you even fucking imagine having the confidence that you would never lose anyone ever again? Can you really fucking fathom this? What if we could all live forever ad maintain not taking advantage of one another. No taking for granted. None of that junk.
Have you began to cry yet? I almost shed one at that second. I’ll be back.

Lunch Bucket

74.1% of Americans are obese. With this, we are the 9th fattest country in the world. The United States is one big lunch bucket. So much so that even our pets are voted fat asses. 25% of American’s pets are considered overweight. Does a lard ass stop eating at some point and feed the rest of the Big Mac with extra sauce to his/her animals? We need to put the Jack in the Box Kangaroo Tacos (with or without sauce) down and grab some rabbit food. I’d like to compile a list of what might be making us “tons of fun” instead of blaming it entirely on the ol’ eating habit.

You might be a fat ass if…

Disease:
• You sit in the grocery parking lot (blinker on) waiting for that precious spot up front.
Cure:
• Get your cankle having ponderous ass to the back of the parking lot (or maybe next door) and start hoofing it up to the door. In most cases the doors open for you so you can save the arm workout for grabbing your FAT FREE milk.

Disease:
• Ordering full flavor/sugar soft drinks.
Cure:
• Order diet. I realize that Aspartame might kill you, but I’d venture to say it won’t have the chance to slice you before your porky thighs do.

Oh, there will be more.

Stay Tuned.

Here are the places to stay away from, so you don’t get contact fat. You’re welcome.

Fattest Countries in the World

More than 1.6 billion people in the world are either overweight or obese, according to a recent study by the World Health Organization. Here’s a look at the countries with the highest percent of overweight adults (people age 15 and over). People are considered overweight if their body mass index (BMI) is 25 or higher and obese with a BMI or 30 or higher.

Rank Country % Overweight or obese
1. Nauru 94.5
2. Federated States of Micronesia 91.1
3. Cook Islands 90.9
4. Tonga 90.8
5. Niue 81.7
6. Samoa 80.4
7. Palau 78.4
8. Kuwait 74.2
9. United States 74.1
10. Kiribati 73.6
11. Dominica 71.0
12. Barbados 69.7
13. Argentina 69.4
14. Egypt 69.4
15. Malta 68.7
16. Greece 68.5
17. New Zealand 68.4
18. United Arab Emirates 68.3
19. Mexico 68.1
20. Trinidad and Tobago 67.9
Source: World Health Organization.

Staycation

I am writing this to inform everyone that next week, I will be taking off of work. Yep, that’s right, the whole god damn week. Ask me if I’m going anywhere. Nope, sure the hell not. It’s a Staycation. What I’m going to do is take this time off to catch up on the following personal items:

• Returning emails
• Returning Facebook Messages
• Returning Text Messages
• Returning Phone Calls
• Giving out hugs
• Tossing out compliments
• Various other Humanitarian induced deeds
• Doing unto others

Apparently, I must catch up on these things that are not business related. Never mind the fact that business pays the bills. Personal avoids anyone getting feelings hurt or feeling “put off.” This being said…

If you or someone you love has been the victim of me not getting back to you, DO NOT call Jim “The Tough Smart Lawyer” Adler, just wait until next week and I will “hammer, hammer, & hammer” it all out, then send you flowers.

Thanks,
Snowed Under

Disclaimer: This note took only a second to create as I copy & pasted. I originally wrote it while I was multitasking by being on the pot, pinching a loaf, cutting the cheese, and urinating, & finally creating a note for “use guyses” all in an attempt to save time and catch up on my life.


Continue to change and you will always evolve

Today what’s on my mind is my daughter. As a father a loving father I go through periods of time when I wonder am I good enough or have I meant toward my daughter enough how to have I told her enough that I love her have I showed her the way to treat others properly I understand that my daughter is a representation of me and so I want her to be the best that she can be not only to represent me but also to represent her as she grows up and comes into her own and becomes a woman. Everyone has their own theory on how to parent a child how to parent a son how to pair and a daughter a lot of their opinions are based on how they grew a lot of them swearing that they would do things differently. A lot of them saying that they love their childhood and promising to make their child’s childhood the exact same way as if that was the best it was ever going to get for them. I like to take a different approach I like to be better than I was yesterday so I take that same approach when raising my daughter. I constantly learn from various ways. Be at the Internet be at a book be at another parent. If we don’t continually evolve then how can we expect anything to get better. We must continue to do things better than we did them yesterday in order to see the results that we covet. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Most of this fucking world is insane. I too can be insane at times but I try my best to evolve. I constantly look around and watch parents as they parent their children. I watch so I can learn the things not to do. I’m a bit uppity in the sense that I don’t think that most parents are doing it correctly. But then again am I doing it correctly? I think a healthy dose of second-guessing yourself as a parent can be good sometimes. I know that it keeps me on my toes. Question this. Question that. Always a question. Question it. Analyze it. Change it. Continue to change and you will always evolve.

Dictated but not proofread.

PV