Here is what I am in dire need of folks:
I need someone to read bedtime stories to me. I mean, this job sounds easy, but I have a lot of demands that go along with it. Has anyone in their thirties ever wanted or considered something of this nature? It sounds so sweet, innocent, & relaxing. I could drift off just typing this post. I imagine it to be like this….
You: a smooth skinned, in shape, nasally pleasing woman. When you talk, it’s not annoying, though your tonal range can do just that, range. During story time, your tones remind me of Thom Yorke with rainbows in your speech. You shall read me something simple. It shall be a child’s book. Why, you ask? Well, my brain is so full of technology and more intense items than this. By the end of my day, I’m spent. By the time that everyone has asked me what will fix their device before pulling a simple reboot, it’s time to go, and my brain has melted.
When I arrive to my dwelling, I cannot think. This is where you and the adolescent tale comes in.
I need you to do the following:
(not in any particular order)
• Remove my boots
• Unlatch my shirt and take it down
• Make a comment about how my deodorant has stayed with me for the duration of my day
• Peel my socks off
• Unbutton my pants
• Push me onto the bed, so I can take a load off, pulling them off
• Have some boxer briefs ready for me to slide into unless, of course, you’re okay with me sliding under my uber soft sheets in the buff
• Have a toothbrush buttered up and ready with CloseUp®
• Hand me a oil free face wipe
• Pull up a chair, next to my head, and gently run your fingers through my hair not saying a word
• Begin the story
• Kiss my forehead and after you have fallen in love with me, tell me it will be okay and that you will be here for my charades every night.
I realize that the last one on the list may take a few days to realize, but it’ll come.
Now, if you are up for this gig. If you are some kind of patient person that finds pleasure in this sort of thing…
Please let me know.
It’s sight unseen on your end though I will be putting you through a screening process on my end. Oh, that’s not fair? I’ve finally realized what I need so who are you to tell me what the hell is fair.
Let me tell you this. I’m not some fatty fatty too too nasty man, but I know, you’ll have to take your chances here.
Please also provide a list of childrens books that you are good at reading and maybe even a few that excite you and bring hope to your life.